So while I knew after my OB/GYN visit that I wanted a midwife, for me it just wasn’t that easy. I had been burned by someone who I’ve been told has authority and great knowledge and who was supposed to know all the answers, but instead made me feel insignificant. Because of this, I was especially on edge about find a midwife. I research everything, and after spending hours on the internet, I decided to interview 3 midwives and their birth centers.
The criteria to even be considered was to be accessible and close to my house. Many other things brought this list down to what it was, how did you respond to my emails? My phone calls? If you couldn’t relay well even on the phone, I cut my ties. (Soft skills people, it matters!) I was brutal to be honest, but I felt that pregnancy, birth, and postpartum are far too serious to just trust anyone, I wanted to feel comfortable, I wanted to invite you over for dinner and have a conversation with you, and guess what? I got that.
I won’t name the birth centers, but here’s why I didn’t go with the others.
Option 1: It was GREAT, however, location and expenses. MOST midwives do no take insurance, or I should say, insurance companies don’t cover midwives. Texas isn’t as hostile as some states, but it can be very difficult to get coverage for a midwife, especially is they’re not a nurse midwife. This birth center was 20 miles from home and cost more than we would have available. If we still lived in our old apartment, I probably would have chosen them.
Option 2: while on paper they looked great, when we went in the for group tour (which, bleh, group tour?) they bragged about things I don’t think you necessarily should brag about. I think some people would have liked to know they were close to a hospital, but now on the other side of birth, i’m 99.9% sure if I birthed there I would have transferred to the hospital since I could have walked myself there. I also asked questions about things they obviously didn’t like, and the midwife was not shy to hide her judgmental feelings about my perspective.
Option 3, Family Birth Services:
Honestly, I only put this on my list because it was about 7 minutes from my house. I mean, c’mon! Location, location, location!
I’ve forgotten to mention up until this point, but my ethnicity played a huge role in who I chose as well. Midwifery in Texas is quite white if I’m being honest; to date, there are only 3 black midwives in Texas so I wasn’t going to let just any white woman into my birthing space. I needed a culturally responsive white woman if I was going to do this. So interestingly enough, on FBS website they had a birth story from a black woman, so I gave them a shot.
When I arrived, I initially met with a woman who just graduated and became a fully licensed midwife. A little ways into our conversation, another woman, who was a student midwife, came up.
Now being a teacher, students don’t worry me, but they actually excited me! Just like doctors, student midwives have to do ALOT. They both have a lot of exams and going through a period of residency, their blood may actually be made of coffee and adrenal shots from witnessing birth. I think at that point I thought it would be great to have students learn from me, especially being a woman of color.
They were so kind to answer every single one of my questions without judgement, and were very sweet. I started to feel a ‘click’ with the student midwife, and felt like FBS just might be the place.
Since Joe and I spent our winter break interviewing these places, we still had time since we were still kind of trying/kind of not trying. But once we were pregnant, things were a bit rocky and scary and FBS heard me.
Once February hit, we found out we were pregnant on Super Bowl Sunday (new holiday in the Tilger residence) I had my app ready tracking everything under the sun. I found out I was pregnant when I was about 4-5 weeks along. Somewhere around the 5-6 week mark I was packing to fly to DC with the Model UN group at the HS I taught at. That night while Joe was at bible study and I was packing, I had extremely light spotting; not a lot, just enough to worry me since my cycles were more predictable than Texas weather. I felt a strong conviction as if something wasn’t right, so the next day I called FBS. Since I was on a flight to DC and it was becoming the weekend, we decided I’d come in on Monday and we talk to see how I was feeling.
Nothing else happened physically, but I told them I had done research on what it could me and that I’d like blood work done to check my progesterone levels and ensure my HCG levels were doubling.
So, after sitting down with me, at 6 weeks pregnant, and knowing very little of my background, they listened, and did what I asked. We joked, I told them how much I hated getting blood work done, and they laughed at all my nervous jokes as I left to see them again Wednesday for more blood work.
Wednesday came, they took my blood, and then Thursday came.
I remember getting a phone call during my planning period from the student midwife stating things weren’t going according to plan, that my HCG in fact wasn’t doubling and my progesterone was severely low. Low enough for interventions to occur.
I could into more details, but at this point, this is why I chose a home birth, because these women listened to me. They didn’t question me, they didn’t belittle me or blow me off until it was the typical time to see a midwife/doctor (8-10 wks).
They didn’t make a profit off me, and during such a sensitive time as this, I was met with gentle sense of urgency that also helped me birth my beautiful baby girl.
So in the end, when prices were the same for me to birth at their center or a home, I thought, “I won’t have to go anywhere if I just stay at home!”
So there you have it!
Be good,
Sydney
