Instead of spending most my day in the bed today, I moved to the couch. It may seem funny, but being on my couch, because of all the windows, gives me a reminder that there’s life out there. It reminds me that God is still working, especially in me.
Today as I finished the last day in a devotional, the title was “Even if….” I already knew what this was going to be about. Even if I’m thrown in the fire, my Lord help me to it and through it.
I later rewatched Sunday’s sermon, just the last 15 minutes because I remembered something really struck a chord with me.
I am in Him and He is in me.
I am in Him and He is in me.
I am in HIM and HE is in me.
Me.
Weary me
Tired me
Sad me
Christ dwells within me; how do I know? Because I still have hope. I still know there are far greater days to come. While I’m still lost in the clouds, I know that my God isn’t through with me. He took my son, but he kept my joy in tact. He has my son, He’s loving Parker far better than I ever could have.
After all, isn’t that what I want for all my kids? Don’t I want all of them to see Christ’s face and live in eternal life?
Yes it is, but it hurts. It really does hurt.
I feel the emptiness of my womb, but my heart is at peace. My son, my son, how I desire you, but God has better plans.
Yes, I am for sure weak. Only God strength got me out of bed today. Only God’s strength let’s me tell this story. Each day is a battle, and most days I want to fight on my own, but these days I’m too tired to lift a finger. I am reminded, the battle isn’t mine. It’s the Lord’s.
I pray over those reading this, I pray you’d be turned to Christ, fix your eyes on cross. Let Jesus hold you, for there is not guilt, no shame, no worry found in Jesus. He loves you as you are. Let your sole identity be found in Christ.
“Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”
Psalms 62
Be good
Sydney
